ahahah ..and 95% of times, at least 2/3 of those sentences are true xD
STFU!
it's the truth!
anyway it doesn't seem you belong to that 95%, so np xD
the last sentence "Shouldn't you be doing your dishes" made me laugh a lot, not cause i think it's right (on the contrary..) but cause i love this kind of humor, just cause it's misplaced and exaggerated