Littlewhitey's Jokes Cafe!

[Usmanulamin]

Its the time to laugh & enjoy with the Best Joke's in our Littlewhitey's JOKES CAFE.

Kindly share the best Jokes you have heard, you know or someone has shared with you.

Only English Language please!

[Usmanulamin]

I'll give it a start.

2 men got bored in a meeting...
1st said: the meeting was so boring even my hips slept...
2nd: yup..i heard them snoring thrice...

[Usmanulamin]

Husband: every time I hit you, you never fight back. how do you manage your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet seat.............
Husband: how does it help
Wife: I use your toothbrush!!!!

[Usmanulamin]

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

edit by Quickplay: instead of double/triple posting you can always modify your last post with the appropriate button

[Freak]

Put some more jokes, please. I hope I would laugh at least on one.(okejoke)

[Usmanulamin]

For you Freak.

A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No,I don't. ( says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No,I have not got any bananas!!!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!!!
- Do you have any nails?
- No,I don't.
- Do you have any bananas?

[Freak]

[Amiel]

[xMcNasty]

Alright heres a joke but dont take it seriously


InC.

[Falk3n]

Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
____________________________

- Smith!
- Yes, sir!
- I didn't see you at the camouflage practice today!
- Thank you, sir!

[EnzoMortelli]

What is this topic .____________.

PS. When two hunters hit on each other.

[Maddy`]

[Usmanulamin]

Perfect example of confidence:
A junior in an office dialed his boss's number by mistake & said :
Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in two minutes !...........boss shouted : do you know whom you're talking to ?!!!!!!
Junior : no!
Boss: i'm the boss of this office.
Junior (in the same tone) : & do u know whom you're talking to?
Boss: no!
Junior: thank God. (and disconnected da phone)

Another one:

Employee sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later employee sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"

[Negative]

Hunsband is on trip, lover comes to wife. Wife is covering parrot's cage to prevent him seeing all and later telling it her husband.

They are fucking one, twice... And then lover says:

"I'm bored. Let's make such a thing: I'll climb a wardrobe, then jump to chalinder, will ride on it, and then jump and come in you?"

Wife: "Let's do it!"

Parrot: "Better cut my fucking tongue off, but I want to fucking see it!!!"

 

[Amiel]

A few days ago, Japan Prime Minister Mori was given some basic conversation training in English before he visited Washington and met US President Barack Obama.

The instructor said to Mori, "When you shake hand with US President Obama, please say 'how are you. Then Mr Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?'.

Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, the translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is:-

When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said "Who are you?" (Instead of 'How are you?).
Mr Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:"Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha."

Then Mr Mori replied, "me too, ha-ha."
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.